AVS GAMEDAY PRIMER: St Louis Blues, 2/11/12

The Good Guys: Used a strong third period last night to take an important two points. Ryan O'Reilly provided some Radar Love, finally capitalizing with just under 2 seconds left in overtime after having multiple prime scoring opportunities throughout regulation. O'Reilly set up his own game winner with a strip of Carolina's Justin Faulk in the neutral zone, and then blew a slapshot past Cam Ward that ignited the Pepsi Center crowd. Another two points tonight and a Phoenix loss to Chicago would vault the Avs back into the final playoff spot in the Western Conference, ahead of the Coyotes and idle Dallas.

Bunch Of Dicks: The St Louis Blues play the part of not-so-gracious hosts to the Avs tonight. While Colorado has been able to beat the Blues with some regularity over the past couple seasons, this Blues team is different from those editions. Chubby Gomez Addams-lookalike Ken Hitchcock has the Blues near the top of the NHL standings, which means we're going to be stuck looking at Ken Hitchcock's constipated rape-stare for the foreseeable future behind an NHL bench. Perfect way to spend a Saturday night, eh?

We Like: Resiliency; specifically, the Avalanche's resiliency in the face of early game deficits. By no means does this excuse those poor starts that have seen the Avs down 1-0 before ten minutes have elapsed in a game all too often this season (including last night's game). It does recognize that the team has not melted down or quit altogether when faced with these circumstances, which is a welcome departure from the team that would fall apart at the first sign of adversity at this point last season.

We Don't Like: Ummm...yeah, let's render that last point moot by, y'know, NOT ALLOWING THE FIRST GOAL OF THE GAME ONCE IN AWHILE! Maybe try and score first every now and then?

Randomly: For NHL Gamecenter subscribers that don't have access to NHL Network, it's a real kick in the ballbag to see the best game of the day/evening cherry-picked and put on the network and rendered inaccessable to Gamecenter customers. I get the reasoning behind wanting your better games shown on the house network. I also get the reason behind why you black those games out to the fans that care enough about your league to pay in excess of $150 a season to have access to all the games, and that reason is flat-out greed. That's wrong.

Potential Hero: He's taken his lumps from me on this blog and on Twitter this season, despite remaining one of my favorite players, and now that he's on a bit of a roll, it's time to give Paul Stastny some credit. He's stepped up his game this past week, and has been playing with more tenacity than we've seen from him in nearly a calendar year. Had he been bothered by injuries that are slowly dissipating, or was he dealing with hurt feelings over the trade of his buddy Chris Stewart? Either way, an effective Stastny gives the Avs the first-option playmaker they need as Matt Duchene continues to recover from his knee injury. Look for Stastny to extend his streak of solid play tonight in his hometown.

Potential Goat: Someone want to open the oven and check the temperature on Jan Hejda? Because I think he's done!

Honestly, I was a fan of the Hejda signing, and I still think he holds value, but he has played progressively worse all season, and last night was an embarrassing effort from him. Maybe a night or two in the press box is what Hejda needs to clear his head and re-set his game, because it's jarring to see an NHL defenseman whirling his head hopelessly toward the goal three seconds after the puck goes in the net...and then doing it a second time later during the same game. Is he still suffering from the brutal Raffi Torres cheapshot he took back in December?

Final Thought: Generally, a guy will look less sketchy after he shaves off a ratty mustache. Somehow, Ken Hitchcock looks MORE sketchy without his. How did he do that?

Blues 4, Avs 2

AVS GAMEDAY PRIMER: Carolina Hurricanes, 2/10/12

The Good Guys: Continued their Jeckyl-and-Hyde act with a convincing 5-2 win over a disorganized looking Blackhawks team on Tuesday. A four goal outburst in the first 6 minutes of the second period left the game knotted at two, but the Avs rolled in the third period, led by rookie Gabriel Landeskog's early goal. A win tonight could have the Avs one point back of the eighth and final playoff position in the Western Conference, and they seem to handle themselves well against Eastern Conference teams; Colorado is 10-2 in those matchups this season.

Bunch Of Dicks: Try as I might, I can't seem to work up any sort of ill-will toward the Carolina Hurricanes. In some regards, they carry a similar "lifespan" as the Avalanche, as both teams are one-time WHA refugees, and relocated within two years of one another. Both teams have made two appearances in the Stanley Cup Final, with the former Whalers taking the title in 2006. The Canes have boasted several of my personal favorite players over the years, including Ron Francis and Rod Brind'Amour, and for good measure, Canes owner Peter Karmanos carries great disdain for Detroit Red Wings owner Mike Ilitch. Can't hate that, can we?

Tonight, we can. F Carolina.

We Like: The Avs always seem to look their best against a team that's willing to play up and down, run-and-gun hockey with them, and nowhere was that more apparent than the win over Chicago on Tuesday. The Blackhawks played aggressively, albeit sloppily, in their offensive zone, and the Avs were able to take advantage to the tune of multiple odd-man chances. Never mind the fact that the Avs don't necessarily have the finishers needed to take full advantage of those chances, as Dan Winnik and Chuck Kobasew may as well have been shooting with mops and shovels; their increased commitment to playing sound defensive hockey this year occasionally yields glimpses of the strong counterattacking scheme coach Joe Sacco envisions.

Know who would fit like a glove in a system that emphasizes strong positional play in the defensive zone and quick transition on the counterattack? Zach Parise. Just throwin' that out there.

We Don't Like: It's Friday, we have cold beer in the fridge, we don't have to worry about giving up a loser point to our opponent tonight affecting the Avs negatively in the playoff race...there's nothing to not like. Yet.

Randomly: It's a dumb thing to spend much time worrying about, but why does it seem like every team who got awful jersey treatments in the conversion to the "Edge" Reebok jerseys has updated their look...and the Avs havent? Florida got rid of all that excess piping, Edmonton went back to their classic 80's uniforms. What on Earth is preventing Colorado from either going back to the original jersey design, or even cleaning up their current look with more traditional striping? Does ANYBODY think the giant "parentheses" stripes look good? Does it even make sense to have them right in line with the captain/alternate captain designation letter? Please, Reebok, I promise I'll buy one if you just clean it up. Pinky swear.

Potential Hero: Know who's been awfully quiet lately? Ryan O'Reilly. The future captain is due.

Potential Goat: Home game against a struggling team that you SHOULD beat? Look no further than undisciplined penalties. Dumb stick fouls, which the Avs seem to take one or two of every game, have the potential to ruin the evening.

Final Thought: I have a really hard time seeing Colorado losing this game. Really hard. That can only mean one thing:

Hurricanes 3, Avs 1

AVS GAMEDAY PRIMER: Chicago Blackhawks, 2/7/12

The Good Guys: ...were about 10 feet away from taking an insurmountable 3-1 lead in the final minute on Saturday against Vancouver. A TJ Galiardi miss on the empty net, followed by Kevin Bieksa's Andy Van Slyke-ish diving snag of another Galiardi empty net chance led to Bieksa tying the game, and a Canucks shootout win. In other news, QFERGHQKLERGFERGFQITFQERGVWGBVJQREGFOGWRTHJLGODDAMMIT

Bunch Of Dicks: The Blackhawks have been in the same boat as the Avs lately, having lost their past 5 games in a row. The difference is, the Hawks have a little more margin for error, as they seem to be safely ensconced in playoff position. Chicago is okay in my book, as of the day they dealt Chris Chelios to Detroit. Toews, Kane, Keith, and Hossa are legitimate elite players, they have the best uniforms in the NHL, and the Hawks are a must-watch team for me.

We Like: Not much to like lately with the Avs, but news that Matt Duchene has resumed skating is welcome good news. Tyson Barrie makes his debut on the Avs blueline tonight, and could provide a bit of a spark the way Stefan Elliott did in December.

We Don't Like: Seen the standings lately? 12th place in the Western Conference, behind teams like Calgary and Minnesota. Taint-punches all around.

Randomly: NBC Sports missed a huge opportunity to turn their chicken shit LA/Tampa matchup tonight into chicken salad. Two words: MELROSE BOWL.

Potential Hero: Erik Johnson has played well against Chicago this season. EJ has elevated his game when matched up against elite talent, and he should see plenty of that tonight.

Potential Goat: Fair or unfair, Paul Stastny has received plenty of criticism for the season he's had thus far. That comes with the high price tag. The Avs need more out of Stastny if they're going to pull out of this tailspin, and another invisible performance tonight virtually guarantees a sixth straight loss.

Final Thought: A big win against a quality opponent tonight would be something for the young Avs to use as a rallying point. Unfortunately, they're going to be dealing with an angry Chicago team tonight, and it's hard to imagine pulling two points out of this one.

Blackhawks 4, Avs 2

AVS GAMEDAY PRIMER: Vancouver Canucks, 2/4/12

The Good Guys: Played a fantastically mediocre game on Thursday in a deflating 1-0 loss to Manbearpig. The Avs controlled the puck for the most part, and JS Giguere made several key saves, but it wasn't enough to overcome a fluky early goal from Greg Zanon. It wasn't an entirely dark effort, however: Erik Johnson played an elite game, and Gabriel Landeskog played an angry, aggressive game; his best game as a pro. Despite those two bright spots, it was as crushing a regular season loss as the Avs are going to see all season, as it put them 3 points behind the Wild in the race for the final playoff spot and allowed Dallas and Calgary (!) to leapfrog them in the standings as well. The Avs have played more games than every team in the NHL thus far, and their record against Northwest Division opponents dropped to an inexcusable 2-12.

Bunch Of Dicks: Vancouver plays in the Northwest Division; they're also leading said division. The Canucks boast the distinction of a roster that features the highest overall percentage of dicks, assclowns, con men, sleazeballs, and shady characters in the NHL. Their coach, Alain Vigneault, is a slickster snake-oil salesman who talks out of both sides of his mouth well enough to drink coffee and play the trumpet at the same time. These guys can suck it. Part of the appeal of watching any Canucks game is the realistic potential of Sami Salo spontaneously deconstructing like one of those dolls with velcro-attached limbs.

We Like: ...no, we LOVE the idea espoused by Sportsnet's Marc Spector that it's time for the Canucks to trade Cory Schneider. Can you imagine skittish Canucks fans being asked to entrust a purse dog like Roberto Luongo to carry their team all the way through the playoffs without the safety net provided by the seemingly steady and competent Schneider? Schadenfreude!

We Don't Like: The lack of a timetable on Matt Duchene's return from a knee injury. The Avs persevered for some time without Mighty Matt, but three consecutive one-goal losses to inferior opponents points to the difference an offensive player like Duchene can make. The Avs don't have enough offensive difference makers to afford to be missing Duchene much longer, and they sure as hell don't seem all that inclined to spend the money necessary to replace him via trade. Gee Greg Sherman, think Michael Ryder (18g, 17a) or Kris Versteeg (20g, 24a) would have been more sound offseason investments than Chuck Kobasew? Oh, that's right: Kobasew was cheaper. In all fairness, I'm sure Sherman was concerned about signing deals that put the Avs within $15 million of the salary cap ceiling, so in that regard, Kobasew made more sense. I'm going to have an aneurysm.

Randomly: No, seriously, I think I'm going to have an aneurysm. Every time I think about the second-wealthiest owner in the NHL playing footsie with the cap floor, my vision goes all gray and fuzzy, and my eyeball starts twitching. Sherman claims Enos authorized him to spend to the cap, which means either Sherman is incompetent (possible) or a liar (probable).

Potential Hero: Any Avs fan that can make it through watching this entire game without wanting to throw his or her TV into a fire.

Potential Goat: I'm so down on this cheapskate, bare-bones franchise right now, I'm tempted to award Enos "Honorary Goat Of The Year" now and chuck this segment from the blog. This team could have been a contender THIS YEAR if they committed some money to it.

Final Thought:

Canucks 5, Avs 3

AVS GAMEDAY PRIMER: Minnesota Wild, 2/2/12

"Yo Avs fans: we heard you like playing the Minnesota Wild, so we took the Minnesota Wild and put it in all your hockey games so you can play the Minnesota Wild in all your hockey games."

For seemingly the 19th time this season, the Avs battle the Wild. Nothing to really say about Minnesuckhole except "F off". For some reason, losing to the Wild and their Manbearpig logo really grates on my sack. So tonight, no regular Gameday Primer, no good guys or dicks, no heroes or goats. Not to overstate it, but tonight's game may be the turning point of the season. If the Avs can't beat these turds in their own building, they don't deserve to be in the playoff race. Let's do this.

Avs 5, Wild 2

AVS GAMEDAY PRIMER: Edmonton Oilers, 1/31/12

The Good Guys: Are finally back after a weeklong hiatus for the All Star game. It seemed like about a month, after a sketchy 3-2 loss on home ice to Minnestupid. The Avs' sloppy play in that game, in my opinion, underscored the importance of the absent Ryan O'Reilly. O'Reilly has been a stabilizing force on ice, always making sound decisions with the puck and without it, and that game featured several forehead-slappers, most notably Shane O'Brien's puckhandling gaffe in the neutral zone. That one led to the game-winning goal on a 2-on-none for the Wild, and a night of teeth-grinding from yours truly.

Bunch Of Dicks: Every time I watch a game involving Andy "Expert" Sutton, I wonder who on the other side is going to be maimed by his reckless, careless play. Tonight will be no different. Also: Taylor Hall was ugly to begin with. If anything, that scar is doing him and the rest of us a favor by giving us something to focus on other than his relief map of a face.

We Like: Hockey's back, BRAH. The All Star game blows.

We Don't Like: Now that the trade deadline is a month away, Avs fans' Spidey Senses should be tingling. Greg Sherman has been anything but bashful in the trade market, and while the jury is still out on the two biggest deals that brought Erik Johnson and Semyon Varlamov, is it possible we see a "desperate" move that nudges the Avs into the playoffs but hurts them long-term? Probably not, but if you don't think it's a possibility, you haven't been paying attention. I live in fear of these things.

Randomly: Props and kudos to my friend and ace Flyers fan @cassiecup for being the first person to identify Kris Letang as Opera Man's clone. No clue how I didn't make this connection before.



Tonight's Hero: Let's see if Semyon Varlamov can get the Avs' stretch drive off to a good start. Positive thoughts.

Tonight's Goat: Me, for completely forgetting I was out of beer. Dry Island in the Jones residence this evening.

Final Thought: Seriously, how did I forget that? I thought about it all day.

Let's get the theoretical second half of the season off to a good start, gentlemen!

Avs 4, Oilers 1

AVS GAMEDAY PRIMER: Minnesota Wild, 1/24/12

The Good Guys: Started putting pucks into the net about 54 minutes too late Sunday night in a 3-2 loss to Anaheim. The Avs outshot the Quacks 44-16, but Jonas Hiller was undizzy, and careless puckhandling during an early power play led to a short-handed goal by Bobby Ryan that had the Avs playing from behind for most of the game.

Bunch Of Dicks: O HAI THERE MINNESUCKWADS! Good to see that absolutely EVERYBODY IN THE UNIVERSE was right about you during your Smoke n' Mirrors start. You are who we thought you were!

We Like: The opportunity to dig Minnesota's hole just a little bit deeper going into the All Star break.

We Don't Like: It started out as a minor annoyance, then grew into something that made me grimace every time I saw it, then morphed into something that actually made my belly ache every time I saw it, and finally metastasized into a shorthanded goal in Sunday night's game at the Quacketeria: that stupid drop pass in the neutral zone on the power play breakout that is somehow supposed to generate extra speed coming into the zone. In theory? It makes sense. In practice, it ends up being four guys having to slow down to various degrees because the trailer is lagging, so you have one man bursting into the zone while four men are trying to get back to top speed. Is Tony Granato sending signals directly into Joe Sacco's head? If so, isn't that somehow illegal?

Randomly: When you ask someone for their telephone number or email address, 99% of the time, the person will race through it, forcing you to ask them to repeat it S L O W L Y. Can we legalize some sort of mildly physical negative reinforcement for people who do this? Maybe a light tap on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper, like you'd do with a bad dog? A spritz of water?

Tonight's Hero: Joe Sacco, for not sitting JS Giguere tonight despite the loss on Sunday. Rotating your goalies based on the result of the last game, unless it was an exceptionally poor showing, doesn't work when you have one goalie clearly outplaying the other.

Tonight's Goat: The NHL. We're REALLY digging being forced to watch 6 Avs/Wild matchups a season, guys!

Final Thought: Minnesota is an odd resident on my list of unforgivable teams, in that they are on there due to one thing and one thing only: the 2003 first round playoff series, remembered most for Andrew Brunette ending Patrick Roy's career, Kerry Fraser taking games 6 and 7 and turning them into his own personal bidet, and Richard Park turning into Richard, Maurice. All the other teams on that list (Detroit, Vancouver, Dallas, Calgary) have found themselves there due to multiple transgressions over the span of years.

Avs 2, Wild 0