AVS GAMEDAY PRIMER: Nashville Predators, 3/8/12

The Good Guys: Needed four points from Manbearpig, and took four points from Manbearpig in emphatic fashion. A 2-0 shutout at Xcel Energy Center on Sunday was followed up by a 7-1 deconstruction in Denver on Tuesday night. The only bad news was Matt Duchene's ankle injury, which will keep the kid out of the lineup for 3-4 weeks, Duchene's second extensive stint on the IR this season. The Avs are now tied with Los Angeles and San Jose for the 8th and final playoff spot in the Western Conference, although the Kings have two games in hand on Colorado while San Jose has three.

Bunch of Dicks: Every time I watch Nashville play, I get an overwhelming urge for lemon meringue pie. Easter Island native Barry Trotz has the Preds sitting comfortably in the fifth playoff position out west, and his team sent the rest of the NHL a message at the trade deadline with their acquisitions of Hal Gill, Andrei Kostitsyn, and Paul Gaustad. That message: "We're going to ruin market value for average checking line centers and give up a first round pick for Paul Gaustad."

We Like: After getting slapped around like a peewee level team on Saturday against Pittsburgh, the Avalanche came out smoking against Minnesuckwad on Sunday night. Last year, the Avs allowed losses to beat them more than once, often carrying a previous bad game into the following game and creating losing streaks. This is a mentally tougher team, and much of it comes from knowing they have two goalies in Semyon Varlamov and JS Giguere who can steal a game if necessary. Varlamov in particular has come through for the Avs lately, and his performance against the Wild on Sunday night was one of his three best of the season.

We Don't Like: Oh, right, the game tonight is in Nashville. This means every time the Predators send designated idiot Jordin Tootoo on the ice, you'll hear train whistles from the enthusiastic Nashville crowd. Well, it's either train whistles, or the sound of emphysema rustling through mouths with less than eight teeth in them, I haven't really confirmed that one way or the other. Either way, it's annoying.

Randomly: I won't pretend to know what Matt Duchene's offseason training consists of, all I can do is go by what I see him tweeting about during the offseason. Last summer, it seemed like it was alot of tweets about fishing. I wouldn't mind seeing him tweeting this summer about how Gary Roberts is kicking his ass, and his commitment to becoming a better all around player. This isn't criticism; Duchene is still a puppy, and different kids grow at a different pace. I want to see a tougher Matt Duchene next season.

Potential Hero: How could it be anybody other than Semyon Varlamov right now? I'll tell you how: games against Nashville always seem to devolve into tight checking affairs where the Preds try to physically dominate the Avs. It always seems like they succeed. Newcomers Steve Downie and Jamie McGinn have brought the Avs some of the snarl they were lacking. The Predators will provide a measuring stick for just how much a difference those two players have made for Colorado thus far.

Potential Goat: So help me god, if Brandon Yip scores a goal for Nashville tonight...

Final Thought: Another must-win. You already knew that.

Preds 3, Avs 2

AVS GAMEDAY PRIMER: Minnesota Wild, 3/4/12, 3/6/12

Here we are, kids. We've lost to Columbus and Pittsburgh in two of the worst performances of the season, back to back. The last time the Avs played that badly, against Winnipeg, they subsequently reeled off four straight wins. Now we have a home-and-home with Manbearpig, starting tonight. For the 2011-2012 Colorado Avalanche, this is do or die. Four points aren't an option. This is the Primer for both games. No more words need to be said. See you Thursday for Nashville.

AVS GAMEDAY PRIMER: Pittsburgh Penguins, 3/3/12

The Good Guys: Had a chance to join the big boys table on Thursday night with two points against Columbus, and proceeded to defecate all over themselves. There isn't one team in the NHL that's good enough to just show up and collect two points, and that goes double for a bubble playoff team with a salary cap floor payroll. If Colorado misses the playoffs by one or two points, this is going to be one of the games they look back on and grit their teeth.

Bunch Of Dicks: Pittsburgh strolls into Denver comfortably ensconced in a nice, velvety playoff spot in the Eastern Conference. The Pens will be without Sidney Crosby, who continues to play dress-up in practice with his teammates, and perhaps their most important player, Kris Letang, also out with concussion-like symptoms. Not sure what "concussion-like" means. It's either A) a concussion, or B) not a concussion.

We Like: Four months later, and this is still the sexiest goal of the season.

We Don't Like: Not that the Avs typically get more than one or two power play opportunities per game anyway (which is another story entirely), but the fact that Joe Sacco continues to use his most handsy player, Matt Duchene, on the point rather than down low is just mind-boggling. I understand that Greg Sherman's nickel-and-dime roster doesn't have four true point men to man two power play units, but putting Duchene there is patching up a hole in the drywall with golden fleece. If Ryan Wilson or even Matt Hunwick has to play with Stefan Elliott on that point, then so be it. There's simply no reason not to have Duchene playing around the net.

Randomly: What are the chances that Steve Downie was prowling around the Penguins' team hotel today, looking to finish the job on Crosby?

Potential Hero: Since he came back from an early season groin injury in December, Erik Johnson has played like the defenseman he was expected to be since he was taken first overall by St. Louis in 2006. Johnson will likely be the difference between the Avs exiting tonight's game with zero points and one or two, as the American defenseman will be matched up head to head with Penguins cyborg Evgeni Malkin. Listen closely, and you can hear the Rocky IV theme playing softly in the background.

Potential Goat: By the same token, if Malkin is able to have his typical Gene Machine game, the onus will fall on the Avs scorers to keep pace. The top line of Duchene, Paul Stastny, and the slumping Milan Hejduk will need to support the Downie/O'Reilly/Landeskog unit that has carried the team for the past two weeks. Hejduk was replaced by Peter Mueller on that line during the discouraging loss to Columbus on Thursday, and I wouldn't be surprised to see that again tonight.

Final Thought: Dallas did their job last night, grinding out a 3-1 win over Edmonton. The Avs blew their chance to take two points from a weaker team, and now they have to beat a legitimate Stanley Cup contender to keep pace tonight.

Penguins 4, Avs 2

AVS GAMEDAY PRIMER: Anaheim Ducks, 2/27/12

The Good Guys: Win over Detroit? IN Detroit? Me gusta. That's 3 in a row, and 4 of the last 5. Beating teams like Edmonton and Detroit, who are either comfortably out of the playoffs or comfortably in the playoffs, and beating teams like Los Angeles and Anaheim that are in direct competition with you for a playoff spot, are two entirely different stories. Tonight is a big one.

Bunch Of Dicks Ducks: Anaheim has won some ridiculous number of games since the New Year rolled around, they're something like 92-3. The fact that they're still scuffling in this 5 team dogpack for the final playoff spot says much about how bad the Ducks were at the beginning of the season. Despite the Ducks' recent streak, this is a team the Avs match up to well, and accordingly must take two points from.

We Like: The contributions from today's trade deadline departees, Daniel Winnik and TJ Galiardi. Winnik is a hard worker, a guy who busted his ass for the Avs every shift. He's going to be a valuable piece for the Sharks in the playoffs. Galiardi was maybe the most representative player of the Avs' Jeckyl-And-Hyde ways: sometimes he was invisible and completely uninvolved in the games, skating around the perimeter and fighting the puck. Other times, he was fully vested, and made a real difference on the ice, and nowhere was that more the case than the 2010 playoff series against San Jose, where Galiardi was a constant nuisance to the Sharks' skilled players. Colorado's hot December had much to do with an improved Galiardi, who gave the Avs snarl and skill for the entire month. The problem with Galiardi was his performance in January, which got him back in Joe Sacco's doghouse. Wishing both guys success with the Sharks.

We Don't Like: I'm not about to start complaining in the middle of a good streak. Keep up the good work, gentlemen.

Randomly: I'm guessing today's Cody Hodgson for Zack Kassian trade is to even out the karma the Canucks took advantage of in obtaining Markus Naslund for Alek Stojanov 16 years ago? Because the similarities are uncanny. Kassian is a bag of meat. Buffalo wins that trade handily, in my opinion.

Potential Hero: Landeskog-O'Reilly-Downie is the best line in hockey right now, and is the pick for tonight's potential heroes. Does Sacco match these guys against the Ducks' big unit? I'd like to see it.

Potential Goat: Hey, we're all positivity tonight, right? NO GOATS.

Final Thought: Aw shit, Kevin Porter is gonna be in the lineup tonight, isn't he? (ed.: Sanity prevails, he will not play.) So much for positivity.

Ducks 3, Avs 2

AVS GAMEDAY PRIMER: Detroit Red Wings Presented By Amway, 2/25/12

The Good Guys: Beat Columbus like a drum last night, 5-0. David Jones was the hero, with two goals, and Semyon Varlamov folded the Jackets neatly and put them away. Seeing Jones and Paul Stastny getting hot at the right time warms the cockles of my dark heart.

Bunch Of Dicks: Well, well, well...hello there, Detroit! We understand that you had your cute little home unbeaten streak* ended by the Canucks on Thursday, and that you're pretty unhappy with that. We're not very happy about it either, because we were hoping the Avs would be the ones to end it. You'll have to forgive us if we are rude guests tonight, because we're in the middle of a battle to get into the playoffs. We have a new friend. His name is Steve Downie, and he's paid to dislike you. He will be going around to properly introduce himself to each of your players at various points this evening.

We Like: Beating Detroit. So let's do it.

We Don't Like: Knowing that our team speed advantage will be neutralized by Detroit's *COUGHLEGALIZEDINTERFERENCECOUGH* "subtle pick plays" tonight, since Detroit are the Special Little Children and accordingly, are above the silly rules and regulations the rest of the NHL must play by.

Randomly: Evgeni Malkin is better than everybody else in the world at the hockey.

Potential Hero: JS Giguere is back in net for the Avs tonight. Rumors have linked Giguere to Philadelphia to partner with his old Anaheim running mate, Ilya Bryzgalov. I like Giguere alot, he's been fantastic for the Avs this season, and I wouldn't settle for anything less than James van Riemsdyk in return. If Philly isn't okay with that, then that's too bad. Watch for Giguere to be the difference tonight if the Avs are able to pick up two points.

Potential Goat: Tonight's potential goat is Whichever Av Fails To Stop Kyle Quincey From Scoring, which we all know by now is as safe a bet as there is for an Avs fan. Former Avs are superhuman, and if Joe Sacco doesnt assign someone to take Quincey out, John Kreese-style, then he should be fired immediately.

Final Thought: Has there ever been a more beloved bad hockey player than Tomas Holmstrom? Imagine if Detroit WAS forced to play by the same rules as the other 29 teams. Holmstrom would've been out of the league by 2001.

Red Wings 5, Avs 4

AVS GAMEDAY PRIMER: Columbus Blue Jackets, 2/24/12

The Good Guys: Smacked the Kings around nice and hard on Wednesday, racing out to a 4-0 lead on their way to a 4-1 win. Paul Stastny led the way with two goals, and Semyon Varlamov shut the door on the anemic Kings, who barely even bothered to show up.

Bunch Of Dicks: Oh, Columbus. Where to begin? I'll begin by saying that I like the Blue Jackets. I visit Nationwide Arena usually once or twice a season to see a game, and every time I've been there I've had a good time in and around the arena. The fans are passionate, friendly, and knowledgeable, and they desperately want their team to give them something to be proud of. Eventually, they'll get there, but right now, the organization stinks like a pig in poo. It starts at the very top, with clueless executives lording above overmatched GM Scott Howson, who really hasn't done himself any favors. The Jeff Carter Experiment was a brutal failure, as the disappointed player never seemed to have his heart invested in his new team after being stabbed in the back by the Flyers. Howson bears a great deal of the blame for not contacting Carter's representatives to gauge his interest in playing in Columbus before dishing out substantial assets to bring Carter to Ohio. Nevermind the fact that the entire premise of the deal was flawed: a playmaking center for star wing Rick Nash is what the Jackets sought. Jeff Carter is a playmaker in the same sense that I am; that is, not at all. Carter spent an unhappy and injury-plagued 8 months as a member of the organization before being mercifully dealt to the aforementioned Kings late yesterday for Jack Johnson (who won't be in the lineup tonight) and a conditional first round draft pick (also not in tonight's lineup).

We Like: Perusing the Western Conference standings, most of the teams in the dogfight for the last available playoff spots have caught up to the Avs in games played, meaning Colorado's two point deficit to ne'er-do-wells Los Angeles, Dallas, and Calgary is more of a true deficit, and not disadvantaged by games at hand.

We Don't Like: Why can't Calgary just go die already? You know you're awful when your GM, tubby idiot Jay Feaster, goes on a public verbal rampage threatening to blow your team up when you're still within striking distance of a playoff spot. Make no mistake about it: the Flames are a terrible team. Have the decency to go on an 8 or 9 game losing streak, you clowns.

Randomly: Not sure when Dustin Brown became the second coming of Mark Messier, but the breathless news that Brown is available on the trading block was about as underwhelming as trade speculation gets. Yes, he's the captain of the Kings, but scratch the glossy surface and he's a poor man's Shane Doan. I respect the hell out of Shane Doan, don't get me wrong, but he's nothing more than an elite grinder. Adjust Brown downward accordingly.

Potential Hero: A safe bet is Gabriel Landeskog, who has been nothing short of outstanding lately. A less safe bet, but a sleeper: Stefan Elliott, if he's given the green light to use his speed to rush the puck against a very talent-poor Columbus group.

Potential Goat: Can Semyon Varlamov put together two consecutive solid performances? If this kid can get himself on a roll, the Avalanche can become a frisky team down the stretch, one I'm not sure I'd want to see in the first round of the playoffs.

Final Thought: Does Matt Duchene look 100% to you? Because he doesn't look 100% to me. The Avs need Duchene to get back up to that level sooner rather than later, but even with a sketchy Dutchy, tonight's game is very winnable. Right?

Blue Jackets 3, Avs 2

AVS GAMEDAY PRIMER: Los Angeles Kings, 2/22/12

The Good Guys: The less said about Sunday's debacle against the Jets, the better; a veritable three hour infomercial about why this team isn't one of the eight best in the Western Conference. Semyon Varlamov needs to steal games for the Avs to sneak into the top 8, and he certainly wasn't up to the task on Sunday.

Bunch Of Dicks: Until last night's 5-4 shootout loss to Phoenix (another 3 point game, tyvm), the Los Angeles Kings couldn't score with themselves during a Cinemax viewing party. On occasion this season, a visit to the thin air and occasionally lax defense of Denver has done wonders for slumping offenses.

We Like: The trade for Steve Downie. As I've been saying ad nauseum over the past 24 hours, he brings an element to the Avs that they have been missing since Ian Laperriere left town. Downie is an ideal third line player with some skill, and plenty of sandpaper. If you look up and down the Avs roster, you don't see very many players that make you think "this is going to be a long night for <name of opposing star player>." Downie is a player that forces you to account for him when he's out there due to his unpredictability and his physicality; he wins puck battles along the wall, and he can take shifts here and there with top 6 forwards as he did in Tampa. In a division where you see Cal Clutterbuck, Curtis Glencross, and Alex Burrows a total of 18 times a year, it's nice to know their teammates will also be forced to keep their heads on a swivel when they play the Avalanche.

We Don't Like: The subtle badmouthing of Kyle Quincey as he leaves town. Quincey is going to a situation in Detroit that plays to his strength: a solid 3/4 defenseman and likely a regular spot on their second power play unit. Quincey was miscast in Colorado as a top two defenseman. He showed flashes here and there, and was starting to find a groove partnered with Erik Johnson recently, but he is not an ideal top two on a good team. All the innuendo about how he was bad in the room, how the organization didn't appreciate his comments expressing frustration at not being in the lineup when he came back from his concussion earlier this season, all of this is needless piling-on at this point. Anybody that thinks Kyle Quincey didn't give his best every shift hasn't been paying attention. I want a guy who wants to be in the lineup every night, and Quincey very obviously did.

Randomly: Was the NHL36 episode featuring Mike Richards earlier tonight supposed to make him look good? Because it really didn't.

Potential Hero: I'm rooting for Semyon Varlamov to keep the Kings impotent tonight. When you face a team as offensively inept as Los Angeles, you absolutely MUST have your goaltender playing at his best. An early Kings goal could be disastrous.

Potential Goat: Kevin Porter. He works really hard. So do washing machines. Seeya in the AHL next year, Ports.

Final Thought: Chances are pretty good there are one or more Avs playing in their final home game as a member of the organization, with Monday's trade deadline looming. The Shermanator isn't a shrinking violet about these things; you'll recall we're only two years removed from Wojtek Wolski playing his way out of town in the very last game prior to the deadline with a brutal performance on national TV against the Red Wings. Which Avalanche player might float through tonight's game and get on Greg's bad side?

Kings 2, Avs 1