Friday, October 28, 2011

AVS GAMEDAY PRIMER: Edmonton Oilers, 10/28/11

Know The Enemy: Edmonton Oilers (5-2-2, 12 pts); beat Washington 2-1 last night.

Key On This Guy: Sophomore studmuffin Taylor Hall leads a group of young Oiler talent up front that rivals the Avs youngsters. Despite being a talented hockey player, do not entrust him to help you figure out a tricky Twitter password.

Laugh At This Guy: Vagabond shitheap Ben Eager, who was the first NHL player to sample the menu of the vaunted "Gary Roberts Diet", which consisted of a series of left hands and crushing humiliation.

Don't Sleep On This Guy: Jordan Eberle, Taylor Hall's young running mate, who once played really well for Canada in a World Junior Championship. You can be forgiven if you didn't know that, as the musky cloud of mancrush the entire nation has on Eberle only extends down as far as remote areas of Montana and Detroit, where nobody lives.

Fact About The Oilers That May Or May Not Be Made Up: In an effort to make young stars Magnus Paajarvi-Svensson and Ryan Nugent-Hopkins feel more "at home", the Oilers encouraged all their veteran players to take a hyphenated last name. Popular examples inclue Andy Sutton-Expert, Shawn Horcoff-Albatross, and in an especially impressive show of selflessness, Nikolai Khabibulin-Designated-Driver went with the double hyphen.

Celebrity Prediction: Lauren Pronger, wife of former Oiler Chris Pronger

"Where are they playing? Because if it's in Edmonton, both teams and all the fans will be lucky to survive, between the freezing temperatures and hungry wolves roaming the tundra, much less worry about a stupid hockey game. Can't they go play somewhere relatively nice in comparison, like Anywhere Else In The World?"

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