Sunday, October 30, 2011

AVS GAMEDAY PRIMER: Los Angeles Kings, 10/30/11

Know The Enemy: Los Angeles Kings (6-2-2, 14 pts); lost to Phoenix in OT 3-2 last night.

Key On This Guy: Kings center Superman, who uses the powers granted to him by the Earth's yellow sun to dominate and torture the Avs game after game, year after year. I have long believed the Kings have an unfair advantage by having Superman on their team. Wait, that's NOT Superman? The guy wearing 11? "Anze Kopitar"? Yeah okay, maybe thats his EARTH name. Avs fans know better though.

Laugh At This Guy: Tubby underachiever Dustin Penner, who has bounced in and out of lineups in Anaheim, Edmonton, and now Los Angeles due to a questionable work ethic. Penner would counter that he runs every day and lifts five times a day. What he WON'T tell you is that the "running" is to Burger King, and the "lifting" refers to forkfuls of birthday cake. It's not always his birthday, but hey, SOMEBODY'S birthday is today, right?

Don't Sleep On This Guy: Rookie blueliner Slava Voynov, who has gotten his NHL career off to a red-hot start, justifying dunderhead Kings GM Dean Lombardi's decision to fuck with franchise defenseman Drew Doughty's head all summer over a lousy $200,000 a season. So GREAT WORK, DEAN.

Fact About The Kings That May Or May Not Be Made Up: Previously referenced idiot Kings GM Dean Lombardi has not finished tweaking his roster, after adding former Flyers captain Mike Richards and pursuing free agent pivot Brad Richards over the summer. Before the trade deadline, expect Lombardi to attempt to sign free agent hooker Denise Richards to shore up the team's shaky "lesbian kissing", which ranks 29th in the NHL.

Celebrity Prediction: 2006 NAACP "Man Of The Year" Recipient, actor Michael Richards

"How am I going to pick against the team that traded that colored fellow for my namesake? Kings 4, Avs 1...giddyup."

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