Friday, November 4, 2011

AVS GAMEDAY PRIMER: Dallas Stars, 11/4/11

Know The Enemy: Dallas Stars (8-3-0, 16 pts); beat New Jersey 3-1 last Saturday (seriously, great job NHL schedule makers)

Key On This Guy: Leading scorer Jamie Benn, who is developing into a fine young player, and seems destined to be someone who, 30 years from now when you're reading the record books, you'll say "Wait, WHO was their leading scorer? Wow, really? What the fuck ever happened to that guy?" about.

Laugh At This Guy: Marc Anthony lookalike Mike Ribeiro, known pantywaist, and this will never not be funny. Bob McKenzie's comment is McCarver-ian in its insight.

Don't Sleep On This Guy: Sniper Loui Eriksson, a direct descendant of Leif Ericson, who is regarded as the first European to set foot in North America. Sabres fans reading this, replace "Leif Ericson" with "Brett Hull", replace "first European" with "Dallas Star", replace "North America" with "the goal crea..." know what, nevermind. Sorry Sabres fans*.

* - ed note: I'm not really sorry.

Fact About The Stars That May Or May Not Be Made Up: When Norm Green (SUCKS) moved the Minnesota North Stars to Dallas in 1993, his original intent was to rename the team the Dallas South Stars. When he found out that "South Stars" was the name of a seedy strip club in Dallas notorious for drug abuse, rape, and shady activity, he decided to rename the team the Dallas Cowboys. To his surprise, he discovered that "Cowboys" was also taken, by a football team in Dallas notorious for drug abuse, rape, and shady activity.

Celebrity Prediction: Bambi Woods, star of "Debbie Does Dallas"

"I see a tense, tight game, where offensive thrusts are countered slickly by filling gaps and pushing harder until one side penetrates the zone and slides it in the wide open cage harder and harder and and AND AND OMIGOD...AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH DALLAS WINS 4-1"

1 comment:

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