Know The Enemy: San Jose Sharks (11-5-1, 23 pts); beat Dallas 4-1 last night.
Key On This Guy: Avs-killer Joe Pavelski, who in the time it took me to write this sentence has scored two game winning goals and fucked Joe Sacco's wife. One year, I dressed as Joe Pavelski for Halloween. I looked terrifying.
Laugh At This Guy: Ye olde Ryane Clowe, a fine chap to have the pint of ale with before the derby. Seriously, jackoff, spell your goddam name right. PS: please don't kill anybody tonight.
Don't Sleep On This Guy: Sharks leader Bernardo, who is handy with a switchblade and is definitely NOT someone to trifle with. This fulfills my obligatory West Side Story reference, which means I don't have to do one for the Jets primer.
Fact About The Sharks That May Or May Not Be Made Up: Sharks GM Doug Wilson had to overcome a major obstacle during his efforts to acquire star center Joe Thornton in late 2005: his inability to get the words "Wayne Primeau", "Marco Sturm", "Brad Stuart", and "THAT'S IT????" out of his mouth without having paralyzing fits of laughter.
Celebrity Prediction: Andy Samberg, host of Shark Week 2011
"Uh, I'm not Andy Samberg. Although I've played the same number of NHL games as him since January 6th. Try again."
"Really dude? Another lookalike joke? Didn't you JUST do one of these this week? Sharks 4, Avs 0."
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