Thursday, November 17, 2011

AVS GAMEDAY PRIMER: Minnesota Wild, 11/17/11

Know The Enemy: Minnesota Wild (10-5-3, 23 pts); beat Columbus 4-2 on Tuesday.

Key On This Guy: Hmm. Let me think about this for a second. Marian Gaborik doesn't play for Minnesota anymore, right? Wow. Okay, lets think harder. Well, Dany Heatley plays there,'s not 2003 anymore. Sigh. Alright, let's look at the stat sheet to see who's the leading scorer...

...and it's Matt Cullen. Jesus Christ. Wild fans, really? Matt Cullen? Alright then, I guess Matt Cullen is the guy to key on.

Laugh At This Guy: Dickhead rodeo clown Cal Clutterbuck, widely renowned around the NHL as the biggest chickenshit in the entire league. Nobody had ever even heard of "Buttercup", mainly because he plays for a team with exactly 18,064 fans, until Don Cherry put him on blast on Coach's Corner:

Since then, Clutterbuck has been known by fans for two things: first, his comically inflated hit totals, thanks to the friendly hometown stat-keepers in Minny, and second, for being the only Wild player that anybody can name.

Don't Sleep On This Guy: ersatz sniper Dany Heatley, because if you DO fall asleep, by the time you wake up he'll already have been traded to another different team.

Fact About The Wild That May Or May Not Be Made Up: Minnesota's original ownership group chose "Wild" as the new club's nickname because they wanted one that was easy for Minnesota's fans to spell. They also considered "Minnesota Egg", "Minnesota Cow", "Minnesota Hurt", and "Minnesota Xyz".

Celebrity Prediction: Minnesota Wild fan Rip Van Winkle


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