Know The Enemy: Pittsburgh Penguins (10-4-3, 23 pts); lost 5-3 to Carolina on Saturday.
Key On This Guy: Force of nature Evgeni Malkin. "Geno" is perhaps the total package, blending size, speed, good hands, and a command of the English language second only to Marlee Matlin.
Laugh At This Guy: Winger James Neal. No, seriously:
Don't Sleep On This Guy: Pig-snouted pest Tyler Kennedy, who uses his physical tools to beat defensemen and stun goaltenders. By "physical tools", I mean "face". Kennedy is expected to return to the Pittsburgh lineup tonight after being out of the lineup for the past month with a concussion. ONE MONTH. NOT ELEVEN MONTHS. ONE.
Fact About The Penguins That May Or May Not Be Made Up: Penguins head coach Dan Bylsma is the winningest coach in NHL history whose last name starts with five consonants.
Celebrity Prediction: Satan
"I don't give a shit who wins, I still get Lemieux's soul. We had a deal, re: Crosby. Pens 5, Avs 1."